
- [Scene: Chandler and Joey’s Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
- Monica: You look cute in bubbles.
- Chandler: Ehh, you’re just liquored up.
- (They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
- Joey: Hey, it’s me! I’m comin’ in!
- (Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler’s doing.)
- Chandler: I’ve had a very long, hard day.
- Joey: Ahh, I’m gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
- Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
- Joey: Okay.
- (Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
- Joey: You sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?
- Chandler: For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!
- Joey: All right!
- (Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
- Chandler: Are you okay? I’m so sorry, he wouldn’t leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
- Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
- Chandler: Hey Joe!
- (Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
- Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in
- pain as Monica grabs him underwater)-Diet Coke.
- (Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
- Opening Credits
- [Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
- Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
- Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!
- Joey: Mornin’ Pheebs!
- Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver…
- Joey: (interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)
- Phoebe: What?
- Joey: Oh, he was this cab driver we had in London.
- Phoebe: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway…
- Monica: Wait, what that place, that pub he took us too?
- Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.
- Joey: Yeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh…
- Monica: Bodington’s!
- All: Bodington’s! Woohoo! (And they all high-five each other.)
- Chandler: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.
- Phoebe: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hat—I don’t want to talk about it.
- Ross: (entering) Hey!
- All: Hey!
- Joey: Hey, Ross, Bodington’s!
- Ross: Yeah! (They high-five.)
- Joey: That was good beer.
- Ross: Ohh…
- Joey: Y’know, I’d walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys.
- Ross: Y’know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center.
- Joey: Later! (Exits.)
- Ross: Isn’t Rachel supposed to be back by now?
- Monica: Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch) she should be here by now.
- Ross: Oh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?
- Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
- Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She’s my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y’know—Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
- Phoebe: So you still hadn’t heard from Emily?
- Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.
- Chandler: I can’t believe she can out run you man!
- Ross: HEY, SHE’S FAST!! OKAY?!! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross’s outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let’s go! Outside!!
- Rachel: (entering) Hi!
- All: Hey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)
- Ross: Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.
- Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do.
- Ross: That’s it? You’re not mad? I mean, it must’ve been terrible.
- Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
- Ross: So, what? That’s it?
- Rachel: Well, yeah! We’re cool. Totally cool.
- Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you’re the best. (They hug.)
- Rachel: Oh no, you’re the best.
- Ross: (breaking the hug) Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! (Runs to the door.) Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I’m gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to Emily’s parent’s house, one for each day that I’ve known and loved her. That oughta get her talking to me again.
- Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
- (Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season. Read about it here.)
- Monica: Rach, that’s great! It’s so good that you had a good time in Greece!
- Rachel: What?! I didn’t have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn’t get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, “Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?” I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it’s all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
- Chandler: Oh that’s not true.
- Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
- Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!
- Rachel: Phoebe, you were right. I should’ve never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.
- Phoebe: Oh… No, I did that for someone once and I’m not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone’s life.
- Monica: I’ll do it!
- Rachel: That’s fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.
- Chandler: Okay, I gotta go to work.
- (He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
- Chandler: And uh, Rachel, glad to have you back.
- (He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
- Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
- [Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.]
- Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here’s a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.
- Rachel: Ohh, he’s married! Ross is married. I can’t—I still can’t believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
- Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
- Rachel: I mean, y’know I’m just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of the pictures)…
- Monica: Ohh. (Monica covers her eyes in horror.)
- Rachel: …I mean it’s my fault.
- Monica: Sweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!
- Rachel: Oh my God! (She licks the top picture and hands them back.)
- Monica: Okay. That’s okay. I-I know that you’re very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn’t about me.
- Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
- Monica: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he’s nice, he’s cute.
- Rachel: Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda…
- Monica: (Interrupting) Oh, what about that guy over there? (She points at another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.
- Rachel: Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know.
- Monica: You’re going to talk to him! Y’know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you’re going to talk to him.
- Rachel: All right, you’re the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.
- Joey: Say that to him and you’re golden. (She just glares at him.)
- Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
- Rachel: Hey!
- Joey: Hey, Pheebs!
- Monica: We got out pictures back from London. (Shows her one.) Here’s all of us at the Tower of London.
- Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there’s Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can’t watch.)
- Chandler: All right, y’know what, we’ve been talking about London too much haven’t we?
- Phoebe: No. I’m sorry. It’s just ’cause I couldn’t be there. ‘Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.
- All: Sorry.
- (Rachel returns.)
- Monica: What happened?
- Rachel: Well, y’know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
- Monica: See, didn’t I tell you?! You’re getting over Ross already!
- Rachel: Well…
- (Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.”)
- Gunther: (To the guy) Get out!
- [Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Chandler enters to find Monica waiting patiently for him. He closes the door and they start kissing.]
- Monica: What took you so long?
- Chandler: I got caught up and work, but I’m quitting tomorrow.
- Monica: Oh, good.
- (They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
- Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)
- Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
- Monica: Probably some y’know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London.
- Rachel: That’s not European!
- Phoebe: Well, it felt French.
- (Joey is intrigued.)
- [Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with Dave.]
- Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!
- Dave: Yeah, me too. (They reach her door.) So, I guess this is it.
- Rachel: Yeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside?
- Dave: Yeah!
- Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y’know what? I uh, I can’t decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.
- Dave: Okay, yeah!
- (She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
- Rachel: Umm, hi!
- Ross: Hi.
- Rachel: Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.
- Ross: She’s doing her laundry.
- Rachel: What’s that? (Points to the box.)
- Ross: It came in the mail today, it’s uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I’ve known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
- Rachel: Oh, honey that’s awful.
- Ross: Oh, it’s not so bad. Monica’s gonna make potpourri! I think I’m gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
- Rachel: But, it’s not raining.
- Ross: I can’t catch a break!
- Rachel: Y’know what Ross? You’re not going anywhere. You’re gonna sit right here. I’m gonna make you a cup of tea and we’re gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!
- Dave: Yeah?
- Rachel: Umm, listen, I’m gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
- Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.
- Rachel: Yeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)
- Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!
- Rachel: Ohh! You did not drop any socks!
- Monica: I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I’m calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do?
- Rachel: Well, ultimately, I was trying y’know, I-I wanted…tell him y’know, that I’m still in love with him.
- Monica: (Gasps) What?!! You cannot tell him that!!
- Rachel: Why? Why not?! People love to hear that!
- Monica: I make the decisions, and I say no.
- Rachel: Well, y’know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y’know what, you’re fired.
- Monica: You can’t fire me. I make your decisions and I say, “I’m not fired!” Ha!
- Rachel: Well… (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica’s laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)
- Monica: Rachel!! Come on! Let me in!
- Joey: (Poking his head out.) Havin’ some trouble?
- Monica: Rachel locked the door.
- Joey: I’ll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
- Commercial Break
- [Scene: The hallway, continued from earlier. Monica is still locked out.]
- Monica: Rachel! Let me in! Rachel!
- [Cut to inside the apartment, Ross decides to let Monica in and goes over and opens the door in mid-pound.]
- Monica: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
- Rachel: No.
- Monica: I really need to talk to you.
- Rachel: Well, then talk!
- Monica: Okay, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted to do?
- Rachel: Yes!
- Ross: What thing?
- Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It’s dangerous, she’s never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
- Ross: Monica’s right, swing dancing can be tricky. I’m gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My God, think of the massacre.
- Rachel: I’m gonna do it.
- Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I’m crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can’t.
- Rachel: But I…
- Monica: Please!
- Rachel: All right, fine.
- (There’s a loud bang on the door.)
- Monica: Joey, I’m in!
- Joey: (In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal.
- [Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters.]
- All: Pheebs! Hey Pheebs!
- Joey: Uh, okay, Pheebs?
- Phoebe: Yeah?
- Joey: Umm, y’know how the other day you were talking about how you didn’t get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?
- Phoebe: Yeah?
- Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!
- Phoebe: Ohh, that’s so nice! How great! Well, where? Where’s the trip?!
- Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!
- Phoebe: (excited) Central…(not so excited) Park!
- Joey: Yeah, all of us! All day!
- Phoebe: That sucks! That’s not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? “Well, it’s right by my house, all right!”
- Chandler: Well, I’m gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)
- Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y’know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I just—y’know—stop it!
- Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
- Phoebe: That’s fine, just don’t bring it in my mouth.
- Monica: Makes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.)
- [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
- Ross: Hey everybody, Pheebs is here!
- Joey: Phoebe!
- Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!
- Rachel: Phoebe, woo!
- Phoebe: Okay, woo! Hi.
- Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little… Y’know, it didn’t have any… It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
- Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that’s a great plan! Who’s plan was that?
- Joey: Mine!
- Ross: Wait! It was my plan.
- Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.
- Ross: And, I came up with Atlantic City.
- Joey: Which, is the new plan!
- Monica: Okay, well, why don’t we all meet upstairs in an hour?
- Phoebe: Okay! Ooh-ahh, I’m gonna go pack. I’m gonna go pack my ass off!
- (They all go pack except for Ross.)
- Monica: Come on Rach, let’s go.
- Rachel: Yeah, y’know what? I’m-I’m gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
- Monica: No! Rachel, you didn’t find anyone so you can’t tell him.
- Rachel: Well, y’know what, that doesn’t matter.
- Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?
- Rachel: Yeah, I-I don’t care.
- Monica: Okay. I-I can’t watch. (Leaves as sits down to read the paper.)
- Rachel: What ‘cha readin’?
- Ross: The paper.
- Rachel: Yeah, what’s it about?
- Ross: Events from around the globe.
- Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y’know what, there’s something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody’s saying that I shouldn’t tell you, but I think they’re wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
- Ross: Sure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized…
- Rachel: Okay, Ross, I’m really trying to tell you something here.
- Ross: Yeah.
- Rachel: Okay.
- Ross: Go ahead.
- Rachel: Umm, okay, I think I’m-I’m just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, (pause) I’m still in love with you Ross.
- (Ross is stunned.)
- Ross: Wow. Umm… Huh… I’m-I’m not sure what to do with that right now.
- (Rachel starts laughing hysterically.)
- Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? ‘Cause it’s mean.
- Rachel: (Laughing) I’m so dead serious. I’m totally serious.
- Ross: Why are you laughing?
- Rachel: Because (laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it’s ridiculous! I mean, you’re married. You’re-you’re married and it’s just ridiculous, and it’s like, it’s like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y’know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (laughs) was like, “You are such an idiot!”
- Ross: Well, well I am married. Even though I haven’t spoken to my wife since the wedding.
- Rachel: (laughs) I’m sorry, that’s not funny.
- Ross: Actually, it kinda is. My wife won’t return my calls. I don’t know where my wife is. (Laughs) “Hey Ross, where’s the Mrs.?” Don’t know!
- Rachel: Oh God, ohh, okay, y’know what, do you think ah, do you think that you just forget that I told you this?
- Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is…
- Rachel: The thing is y’know, that you’re married to Emily.
- Ross: That is what the thing is.
- Rachel: Ross, things aren’t gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?
- Ross: No. No. No, I’m-I’m glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it’s-it’s always great when someone tells you they love you.
- Rachel: That’s what I said! Thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)
- Ross: No thank you for… Thank you.
- [Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, the gang is about ready to leave for Atlantic City.]
- Ross: Okay, let’s go!
- Chandler: Atlantic City!
- Phoebe: Atlantic City, baby! Let’s roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!
- (They high-five and howl, but Phoebe suddenly stops and the guys gasp and retreat in shock.)
- Joey: Uh, Pheebs, you’re leaking?
- Monica: Oh my God! You’re water broke!
- The Guys: Ohh!
- Phoebe: All right. Well, don’t worry, I call shotgun! (She starts out the door.)
- All: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait-wait!
- Chandler: Pheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now!
- Ross: Pheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now.
- Rachel: High-five, the babies are coming! (They all high-five.)
- Phoebe: Wait, wait, remember when my water broke? (They all high-five again.)
- Ending Credits
- [Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]
- Monica: I can’t believe Phoebe’s gonna have her babies!
- Chandler: I know, it’s beautiful. Amazing.
- (They both kiss.)
- Chandler: Y’know what else I can’t believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it’s too bad they didn’t see us having sex.
- Monica: Do you know anything about women?
- Chandler: No.
- Monica: That’s all right.
- Chandler: Okay. (They kiss again.)
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